Imagine being a mother and not seeing your two sons for four years. They live with their father and his new wife. This is a true story for Kate (not her real name).

Kate is preparing to see her sons again. She will begin visitation with her sons in a counseling session at Family & Children First. She is feeling very apprehensive because it has been so long since she had contact with them and because their visit is adamantly opposed by her ex-husband and his wife. Kate’s life had not been free of troubles before being apart from her children. After she separated from their father, she dated a man who abused a variety of drugs and was violent. Things began to get worse for Kate when there was an incident of alleged sexual abuse of the boys by him when she wasn’t at home.

When Kate entered counseling, she took all the right steps which included taking out an emergency protective order on her ex-boyfriend. She also tested free of alcohol and drugs. The first counseling session was structured very carefully. In their first meeting with their mother, the reserved personality they exhibited with their counselor diminished in about 30 seconds. They all three talked at once. Kate asked them about school and they lied about where they were going. At the end of the session, the younger one asked for “something to remember you by.” Her immediate fear was “they are going to run away from me again.” The counselor reminded her that this time they’d be running from the court, too.

At the third session, the boys met their Kate’s new husband who volunteered, “I’m nothing like the man your Mom used to date.” The brought photo albums for the boys which included photos of them when they were 7 and 9. A visitation schedule between the Kate and the boys was structured with a gradual increase.

The counselor followed up with Kate after the holidays. The boys spent four days with her during their school vacation and they all have very happy memories of a full-day of sledding together in one-inch of mud-covered snow, but no one seemed to notice!

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